Thursday, October 25, 2007

The zoloft guy DOES piss me off...

Which mental disorder do you have?
created with
You scored as Unipolar Depression

Congraulations! You are depressed! You know just how it feels to bear all the world's burdens, and the value of a 19-hour night's sleep. And you really hate that circle-guy thing on your Zoloft pill packets.

Unipolar Depression


Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder


Borderline Personality Disorder




Antisocial Personality Disorder


Eating Disorders


Friday, October 19, 2007

Arizona has done to me what rehab couldn't do for amy winehouse

I just realized a lot has happened since I moved from salt lake city Utah. And what I first viewed as a tragedy, I now see as what was a great opportunity to grow, which I'm glad I experienced, but I'm even more glad to be over with.
Had it not been for my moving out here to Arizona and experiencing some discomfort, from my oh-so-cushy, and sheltered life, I might have never experienced the great and admittedly not so great, moments.
As my time here is nearing an end, (yeah right I still have like 7 months and 2 weeks left,- at most though.) I 'm beginning to reflect on my time here and the good, the bad, and the ugly.
The good is definitely really striking to me now, probably because for the past year or so I've been in this stupid, moody, apathetic teenager, woe-is-me perpetual state of mind with only brief moments of maturity where I would say, "It's not so bad, it's just different" and truthfully it's not bad at all. It's just a completely different setting, I was forced to break out of my shell like an egg being hurled at a brand new car. Reality is harsh, but sometimes that cold splash of water in the face is just what we need to wake us up from our cozy and sheltered sleep. That "harshness" I experienced this past year, including moving to a new state, loosing my Friends, attending a new school, making new friends, find a job for the first time, and dealing with school, was just the bitter sweet taste of "the real world" little did I know this bitter pill was called life, and that really it was not so bitter after all but a little strong maybe, showing me that, "Independence and freedom may be great, but they come at a price."
All in all, I'm glad I came to "Surface of the sun/hell" Arizona as I called it, and I'm even MORE glad to be planning my exit. Even if it is 7months and 2 weeks in advance...what can I say? I'm a very organized person.
As for the NOW which I constantly reminding myself is more important to enjoy than the then and stressing too much about the future, though all are important; I'm excited because Halloween is right around the corner and as a self respecting teen, I'm not about to sit around and do nothing, as well as I'm not about to go out and trick-or-treat like some junior or something, (lol) so I'm planning a Halloween party.
Here's hoping all goes well

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Took my SAT yesterday

Yes I did the deed, did it for three hours and 10 sec.
Felt like one-hundred years...
Bombed the math section beyond recognition, and aced the rest. I expect my score to be a modest 1300 and below. {According to the college board that translates into "dumbass" or "D" for short, on your report card.}
Gotta aim high, expect low, then be you won't be surprised if it comes true, and you won't be crushed either. I suppose...
School daze have got me crazed
I'm singing the praised of Fall Break! How did they know? One more week and I would have snapped....impecable timing from the folks at school. Of course, "snapping" can mean different things to different people.
To some it means taking an AKA-47 to school and the rest is virginia tech, while to me it means, "F-this I'm going home; taking a 5 hour nap."
Why I did F-This and go home is beyond me, since I've waited nearly all week to present a 30 min. presentation for my psychology class.
Hint: Never, present at the end of class unless you are unprepared, in that case,
Hint: ALWAYS present at the end of class IF you are unprepared
because chances are you won't have enough time to beat the bell, which will ring, an everyone will leave class, and AWW SHUCKS! you'll just have to present tomorrow.
BAD for those who stayed up till 1 am finishing it thinking it was due the next day,
GOOD for those who stayed up till 1 am finishing their 9th tequila jello shooter at rocky point.

Actually I do have a clue as to why I didn't just "F-THIS" and go home, I had my 9Th absence under my belt, and had I squeezed just one more in there, I would be having a pleasant meeting with all my teachers, counselors, the principal and my dearest parents as to why in the world I can't just haul my ass out of bed at 6:00 in the morning and walk 520 feet to school. Yes, I live exactly 528 feet away from my school. I googled it. }:]
Maybe, I would reply it's because I'm a senior, life is mediocre, I've already be accepted into a mediocre college, I'm looking forward to my mediocre life, in my mediocre house, or apartment, with my mediocre dog, and mediocre car, and mediocre everything. They should really just have a 1st, 2Nd, and mediocre place at state fairs, sporting events and other competitive arenas where these silly medals are given out like candy.
"Life is just fine and daddy like apple candy,"
I'll say, and they'll find a psychologist to put me on Prozac and make me think happy thoughts.

Cold Wretched Night

I have not felt a night so cold and wretched like tonight, since I lived in Salt Lake City, Utah a little over a year ago. For some reason during nights like tonight, the stars jump out of the black sky, and sparkle amazingly bright. There is something about chilly nights, that has this curious and wonderful effect on stars. The algidity of the night, must awaken some primitive emotion in them in order to cause them to gleam so beautifuly.
Paradoxically, Utah is experiencing heavy snow fall and it's tree's are at their Autumn peak, Utah is always so breathtakingly beautiful at it's Autumn peak. The tree's and forest come alive with color, though ironically, the tree's leaves are dying, and doing so in turn to give birth to new ones next spring.
Arizona is a dry, arid, and stagnant rock, with no real stations, besides hot and cold, miserable and more miserable. Cockroaches scurry to and fro outside in the gutters, year round. The cacti reach for the sky stiffly, with blank expressions as if understanding the bleakness of their dessert surroundings.
True Utah is a dessert, a very cold one at that. Though it's beautiful valley can be described as an oasis amid a vast, dangerous, beautiful and a most mysterious nothingness that would spell out death for an witting human. Yet there is something so natural and primitive about this dessert, that it's beauty is understood like body language, without explanation. This cannot be betrayed or altered, because it remains in a perpetual state of being: birth, evolution, death. It's meaning embedded in our bones.
What is even more amazing, is that we are all part of it.