Friday, May 16, 2008

writting a check

and checking it twice
I did it with erick and he came inside of me.
I'm worried that I might become pregnant so I'm buying the day after pill which is effective up to 72 hours. It's already been 24 and by tomorrow it will have been 48.
I'm going to take a check from my dad's check book and I'm going down to the wal-mart and buying the pill...again. I feel so bad, I wish it didn't have to get to this point but I can't have a baby, I just can't let that happen to me.
I was so stupid for not using protection, even though it was his idea, I should have had enough self control to say no, but I was just as much as willing participant.
This is so eerie blogging about this with my dad litteraly less than a foot from the lap top. In fact if he were to turn his head and bother to read what's on the screen he would find out my terrible secret.
I'm scared. I hope I can pull it off, and most of all I hope God has mercy in me and does not let me become pregnant.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

A description of a stranger

he has soft hands
perhaps because he has always found himself in a position of power
His eyes, the colors of wood and honey, stare deeply into mine, searching for an aswer to the secretes in my own dark eyes
His voice is subtle and dark, low murmors meant only for me.
His breath is warm and seductive on my neck and in my ears.
His smile is slow and almost indecipherable and unseen if not caught quickly, he does this when I kiss him.
School is coming to an end and so is my high school "career" as I've so often heard it referred to. I don't believe it is much of a career, nor much of anything but a compilation of years wherein I made Friends, lost others, learned some stuff, forgot others, moved away, came back, fell in love, fell out of love, was rejected and pursued, passed, failed, shined, sucked, had fun, cried for hours, laughed for hours, yelled for hours, debated for hours, road my bike around, walked my dog, hung out with friends, went to concerts and parties, went trick or treating, had bbq's and road trips, went to the pool, kissed a boy, was kissed back, held hands, watched fireworks, watched funny, scary, angering, and inspiring movies, read great books, and some not so good. Listened to good and bad music, danced to the good music, went to dances for the matter, both in and out of school. Sometimes when to church, stayed up A LOT went to work, A LOT spend A LOT of money, save a Lil bit. Got a dog, won a few awards here and there, participated in the science fair, was a radio DJ, was president, volunteered, was suicidal, had a new lease on life, love myself, and my family, stayed true to who I was, did do drugs, or gone binge drinking (but I'm not a virgin anymore, meh, 2 out of 3- I still pass with an B ) and all in all I have no regrets.
All this and so much more I'm totally forgetting (like sleep overs, haunted houses, girls night out, wandering about alone, flirting with cute guys, slumber parties, making breakfast for friends, lies, truths, games of Uno with my grandma, beautiful summer nights, and morning, beautiful snowy Utah streets, perfect Christmases with my family and lonely valentines, as well as laughing till you pee, crying till your hand tingle, yelling till your hoarse, life, death, funerals, birthdays, baby showers, and life goes on...)


Thursday, May 1, 2008

U p and Comming Events!! &hearts

May 6th - Awards banquest U of U ballroom
May 10th- Lauren's Birthday
May 10th-11th-Mother's Day
May 13th- AP psychology exam
May 16th- show portfolio
May 21st- Senior/ Junior Banquet
May 26th- No School- All Day Date
June 2nd- Senior Lagoon Day 10 am to the rest of the night
June 3rd- Ames Check out
June 4th- Yearbook/BBQ
June 5th- Graduation at libby gardener Hall at 2:00 pm
June 6th- the first day of the rest of my life.