Cold Wretched Night

I have not felt a night so cold and wretched like tonight, since I lived in Salt Lake City, Utah a little over a year ago. For some reason during nights like tonight, the stars jump out of the black sky, and sparkle amazingly bright. There is something about chilly nights, that has this curious and wonderful effect on stars. The algidity of the night, must awaken some primitive emotion in them in order to cause them to gleam so beautifuly.
Paradoxically, Utah is experiencing heavy snow fall and it's tree's are at their Autumn peak, Utah is always so breathtakingly beautiful at it's Autumn peak. The tree's and forest come alive with color, though ironically, the tree's leaves are dying, and doing so in turn to give birth to new ones next spring.
Arizona is a dry, arid, and stagnant rock, with no real stations, besides hot and cold, miserable and more miserable. Cockroaches scurry to and fro outside in the gutters, year round. The cacti reach for the sky stiffly, with blank expressions as if understanding the bleakness of their dessert surroundings.
True Utah is a dessert, a very cold one at that. Though it's beautiful valley can be described as an oasis amid a vast, dangerous, beautiful and a most mysterious nothingness that would spell out death for an witting human. Yet there is something so natural and primitive about this dessert, that it's beauty is understood like body language, without explanation. This cannot be betrayed or altered, because it remains in a perpetual state of being: birth, evolution, death. It's meaning embedded in our bones.
What is even more amazing, is that we are all part of it.

another life

another girl in another life
would have posted pictures of her freinds smiling and laughing at a bonfire tonight.
Another girl in another life, would have posted pictures of her boyfreind and her laughing and kissing round a bonfire toningt.
another girl in another life would posted pictures of fireworks
and talked about how she feels excited to be alive
how beautiful life is
how great everything is going
how great it feels to be alive
anohter girl in another life would look out her window at the fireworks from her dark bedroom

The days have been dragging by likewise, I have been dragging my own self along as well.
the new and improved is no more and I only work to be done
I only wake to sleep again.
everyday is another day.
another day in the life of, "me"
sometimes I wonder if everything I see, read, hear, smell, taste, feel, experience was meant to be. This was meant to be my life. Things I have no control over and things I do, they weave together like so many threads to create my story. A story never told, and never heard because it was not meant to be. Till further notice, I am a part of the masses. A number someplace, somewhere; faceless, ageless.
Like the facelessness of the ages, even the names, Ghandi, Martin Luther King, JFK, FDR, become just that, names. The people behind them and their stories begin to fade away even as their influence saturates our lives. Distortion of the past becomes much easier. Holocaust, where? What holocaust? What is a holocaust? Is it genocide? Is genocide real?
"Ignorance breeds hate," I've heard it said, then "Ignorance breeds ignorace," I'll say. I've also heard it said that ignorance is bliss. May it be a bitter and dull bliss.

I'm only seventeen and I have so many memories, I feel so old. I actualy reminice. Fragmented memories